She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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