Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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