and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
