I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
