I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
