If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
