No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
