dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
