She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
