I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
