Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
