Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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