I love black thongs
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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