Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
