The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
