tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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