since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
