i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
