the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
