You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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