He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
