so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
