I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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