im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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