At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
