HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
