he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
