Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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