So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
