Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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