Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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