just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
