ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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