DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
