you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
