just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
