I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
