Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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