So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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