I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
