pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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