no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
