After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
