Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
