____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
