i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
