So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Randomize
