i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
