i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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