You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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