Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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